So here we are. Last day of 2018. This “New year, New me” has been a lot around lately. It sounds that by the time our clocks strike 00.01 tonight a lot of people will switch to a “new me”. Sounds kind like the Cinderella fairytale and I don’t believe in fairytales.
The real question for me as this year comes to an end is the following:
You have this one life. How do you want to spend it? How do you want this new year to be?
I believe that we shape our life every day. Every day. There is a new me at the moment. And it did not happen overnight. It did not happen because of a new year, or a new month. It happened over repetitive choices and actions I took to be this new me. It is a new me that is evolving and changing and learning and developing and it is a new me that carries an old me also. Sometimes a fun old me, sometimes a heavy old me.
I feel like that “new year new me” is kind of limiting. At the end of the day you have this one life. How do you want to spend it? Do you want to spend it with regrets? Apologizing? Being hard on yourself? Questioning? Dieting? Running after circumstances or people who do not deserve you or see you? Going back and forth in the past like you can change it? How do you want to spend your life? Do you want to build a house next to the sea and write new books? Do you want to climb up the company ladder? Do you want to live in the middle of a vibrant city? Do you want kids? Do you want a fat bank account? Do you want to study all over again? Do you want to fall in love? Do you want a healthy body? Do you want to travel the world? Do you want to stay in your hometown for the rest of your life? Do you want to meet new people? WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I guess everything starts with the What Do You Want question, Who Do You Want to Be. And there is only one thing I have learned during this process. There are no right or wrong answers. There are only opportunities and options. Life and becoming is an ever evolving journey. And once one knows what do they want, or who they want to become then there is no other option to be or become that something. Becoming who you want to be is like dieting. There are no bad diets. There is only you and your choice to eat healthy. If you really want it you will do it. You will have more energy, you will loose the weight, you will have better health. For some it might take longer or shorter time to get into the routines. However all need to follow their own routines. Becoming who you want to be is like this. Small little choices and behaviors of every day life, that are different for everyone and shape you to the person you are or the person you want to be.
And in this process of becoming there are two motivating forces: Fear and Love. Fear appears through our thoughts or through another person, both our thoughts or the other person will try to convince us that we are not good enough, that we will fail. It is normal that people will project their fears upon us. Trust your instincts and do not believe everything your mind or others tell you. Fear is only there to overcome it. Fear makes us focus on the problems. However fear is an illusion. Is the biggest illusion of all. And it is this illusion we all struggle with! Every time fear appears whisper to yourself :
“I trust. If I fall the ground will catch me, if I fail I will start all over again.“
Every time fear comes knocking on my door I am just waving back to it and say: “Look I know you are there but now I am busy with my life journey, I have made a commitment to be true to myself, so if you could just hold on for a minute and stay in that corner for a while would be great. I will still see you but I choose to ignore you just for today. Today I trust. Today I love myself. So you can just sit in your corner mumble about things. I have a life to live”. I talk to my fear, I recognize it. Not denying fear helps me eventually deal with it and eventually get over it.
So 2018 has been a year I have committed myself to self love and trust. This commitment has made all the difference in my life and made a lot of my fears vanish. Some are still there, in that little corner, waiting for me to deal with them. And I know I will deal with them because above all I choose life. And fear is not living.
Love and trust has made the possible impossible so far. I am not done with this journey. I have a lot to learn. Anyway let’s face it self love should not be a journey that ends.
Going back to where I started, today is a new white page. Tomorrow as well. Tomorrow you can think there are 365 new pages. My “New Year’s Resolutions” will be the same as last years. To love, to trust, to be better to myself, to become a better person, to not let a number define me, to deal with my fears. This year will be one more year that every time fear hits me hard I will rise up and say “You hit like a little bitch”.
Happy New Self Everyone, Happy New Love, Happy New Mindfulness, Happy New Year!